How To Train Your Gin
by Baxter54132
Summary: Do you have an out of control, and wily Gin? This book is for you! I will teach you to control your Gin! Part of the "How To..." Series. GinxRan One-shot.


So I have begun my slow process to get back into writing. I am quite fond of my "How To..." series, and would like to continue expanding it. It has been brought to my attention that I neglected an incredibly popular pairing, GinRan.

I love this pairing and (spoiler alert) even though Gin is no longer with us, I can still write about a time before all of that happened. It's not like Gin was dead back when I started writing fanfiction.

Dislcaimer: I'm way too tired to try to think of a catchy disclaimer, all I will say is I do not own Bleach. Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo.

So please, read and enjoy the newest section of the "How To…" series!

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><p><strong>Introduction:<strong>

So? I bet you think you have the worst taste in love known to mankind. You are in your middle ages, have an amazing body, and probably think that the best is yet to come. Except for that one annoying man that you can never get out of your mind.

Yup… that's a Gin. If you are like me, then you are sick of your Gin doing whatever he wants, whenever he wants! This book is here to help you solve your problems, all of these methods worked for me!

**Identifying Your Gin:**

Before I get into the details, we should make sure that your person is really a Gin. Gin's are a rare species, as they are so abstract you are probably wondering how you may have managed to find one at all. Main physical points that stand out are silver hair, a white captain's shihakusho, and eyes that are slit so close together that it is hard to tell if he is squinting in the sun, or if he is actually blind. You can test this by hiding your spirit energy and walking right up in front of him. Don't make a sound, if he is truly a Gin, he will respond, "Yes Rangiku?" in an annoying way which will make your blood boil. Don't strangle him though, simply think about happier thoughts (like sake) and make a mental note that he can see you.

Gin's have an annoying habit of disappearing into thin air, without even a word as to where they are going or when they will be back. Sometimes they just went to get a cup of tea, but sometimes they went to conspire with some evil soul reapers planning a Coup de' ta. You never know with a Gin, you might think he is looking out for you, and then find out later he was always against you. All you get is a "I'm sorry," and then you don't see him again for months, and when you do, he pretends you don't exist!

Anyway… if there is a specific Gin reading this book right now, be warned, I will find you.

All right! Now that you have identified your Gin, it is time to start taking care of some of his annoying habits.

**Chapter 1: How To Make Sure You Never Lose Track Of Your Gin:**

You have a few options. My favorite is to simply tie a bell around his neck, and then whenever you need him, you can simply follow the ringing to his location. He might not appreciate this, and may choose to remove the bell. If this happens, you can go to Urahara's shop and buy super glue. Then while your Gin is sleeping, glue the bell to the back of his neck. He will be able to hear the bell, but will be unable to see or remove it. This works great!

If you'd rather not have a funny bell glued to the back of your Gin's head for the rest of his life, you could always just input a tracker chip into his brain, but that is too much effort…

**Chapter 2: How To Get Your Gin's Attention:**

Everyone knows that your Gin is very focused, but unfortunately, this focus is usually not on you. He generally ignores you and runs around without a care in the world, completely disregarding your feelings. If you try to ask where he is going, he won't even grace you with a response!

Here are a few things you can do to get his attention:

Wear really, really strong perfume and walk in front of him, he may not look responsive, but believe me, he is focused on you. Try walking back and forth, you'll notice his head turn slightly as he subconsciously follows you. If you have any requests, now is the time to ask. He will agree instantly.

Drink a larger amount than normal, and then wander in front of the third barracks with Kira Izuru and a few other drunks at 3 am. If you stay for long enough, your Gin will eventually emerge from his barracks, most likely pissed that you are making noise outside at 3 am while his troops are trying to sleep. This is when you pull him aside, sober up immediately, and tell him what you need to.

Blackmail works great! Just whip out those photos of him doing initiation back in the academy. The ones where he is in a dress uni cycling down the classroom halls at midnight. He will immediately become interested in retrieving those photos from you, so be sure to make copies!

**Chapter 3: How To Confess To Your Gin:**

Believe me, you do not want to put this off. If you do… well let's just say it might be too late. You need to do this before things get too crazy in your lives. Things are peaceful, and you might be happy with you and your Gin's relationship, but the truth is you guys have a lot more going for you. Why would you want to be friends when you could be having an amazing relationship, day in and day out? I'm not saying it would be without turbulence, but it is a step forward from where you are now.

If your Gin is like my Gin, then he is very dense. Even if you give him chocolates on Valentine's Day, and are constantly pushing your gigantic boobs in his face and flirting, he just won't get it. It's kind of how your chibi captain doesn't understand when a certain human girl is always trying to hang by his side, let me tell you, it isn't just for friendship!

When you confess, you have to be very clear, sober, and to the point. Did I mention sober? If you try to confess when you're drunk, he will merely sigh, drag you home, and leave you unconscious on your futon to sleep off whatever you drank.

Not everyone has perfected this chapter, so good luck!

**Chapter 4: How To Keep Other Girls Away From Your Gin:**

We all know that your Gin is the best of the best when it comes to looks, brains, and sexiness. This means that you are going to have a lot of competition over him. You are going to have to beat the competition, and I mean that literally. You have a shikai for a reason! No it is not for defeating hollows, it is for destroying your Gin's fangirls!

If a fangirl does get close enough to your Gin, they may or may not turn to dust from his close up stare. If they do not, this is when you have to take them out. Your Gin is an icy person underneath all of his awesomeness, and you merely want to spare his fangirls from seeing his true self.

**Chapter 5: What To Do When Your Gin Vanishes:**

This is different for everyone. I do a few things, that range from drinking, to moping, to going on missions. The first thing you should do is search for your Gin. It is hard to tell the extremity of him being missing until you do a little research. Maybe go speak with Aizen or Ukitake. Certainly do not panic, do not go running out into the snow without shoes, and definitely do not go to the world of the living without permission. None of these things will solve anything, and they will just get you into trouble. If you have faith, your Gin will come back.

If your Gin is missing for more than two months, check Hueco Mundo.

**Conclusion:**

Now you and your Gin are happy and peaceful together! Everything is right in the world, all evil has been defeated, and you are most likely drunk. Aren't you?

If you have any qualms, questions, or quandaries, please email me at rangikumatsumotobleach, that is…. Unless you want to complain, then please email ginichimarubleach.

Now that you and your Gin are happy, you will have many great times drinking together!

-Rangiku Matsumoto

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><p>Hmm…. Do you guys like it? It's kinda funny I think…<p>

Here is the link for the community if you'd rather not file through my profile page but want to read the other part of the series.

www. fanfiction community /How_To_ Series_Collection /75354/

Just take out the spaces.

Well, please review!

Do you have a person you want to see a "How To…" story written for? Suggest it in a review and you may see it appear shortly.


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